I just hyperventilated for half an hour and it's my fault.

I had these tadpoles and I was taking care of them so good, there were 15- and they all just freaking died. It's my fault- Ive been feeding them watermelon for now but my mom threw it out and bought pre-cut slices, so I fed them it— I've been taking all these photos of their growth, I grew attached and took photos of them eating because its cute and now their dead. The watermelon probably had preservatives in it because it was the pre-cut, I poisoned them. I looked at them saying, "oh! So cute, they're eating!" And I was feeding them poisoned food. I tried to do everything right— I came back and switched them into fresh new water- I tried to save them but they're dead- Ive been telling everyone about how cool life is, and how amazing their growth is- they finally started growing legs and their dead the next day. I don't think I've ever cried so much, but this was all my fault amd I feel sick— I jumped in the shower to just boil myself for a bit and sobbed and lost my breath for about 30 minutes before I started getting dizzy- now im here, its been about that long since all this happened— I feel so terrible, I don't know what to do about myself- I feel really stupid. My mom says we can just get more, but the reason I had them is because they were going to die during yard work, I wanted to save them— I wouldn't take them away from their habitat otherwise.. 3 weeks later and I poisoned them. Everything is just so crap. I feel so sorry- I'm just ranting because I have no one else to talk about my feelings or whatever- but I feel sick. I'm sorry